SikaMikaNico

Speaking, something that should come naturally to the majority of the human society. Sadly, for some of us it doesn't. Speaking, an instant way of expressing yourself to others. But be careful because the stares, glares and puzzled faces that could follow the silence after you've told everyone about something you thought about that morning puts a scar in your soul. People will stare at you whilst a heavy silence creeps into the room and you'll sit there hurt, confused and even more insecure. Another wall is built between you and the rest of the world and you'll probably become even more quiet. At least that's what I thought would happen. But as the years go by you learn, you become wiser and you start noticing things about yourself and other people that you never thought about before. I'm a quiet person and the reason for that is fear. I'm afraid people might think I'm a weirdo because of the things I say. But something that I've come to realize with time is that I spend so much time worrying about what other people think about me that by the time I'm finished thinking about what to say everyone'll just think I'm a weirdo anyway. Why? Because I'm always quiet.

Chillouts, outsiders, freaks of nature and neverending parties. That's what my life has come to and I have to say that I'm really enjoying it. It's what I came to London for and it's also what's keeping me from going back to Sweden. Home is here now and even though I love Sweden I find the thought of living there very depressing.

Now, don't get me wrong. There's not a day that goes by without me thinking how wonderful it would be if I was closer to my family and friends.  Sadly, love isn't always enough..

The emptiness I would see in peoples eyes on their way to work, the silence that would surround me in the streets on a friday night or the feeling of everyone waiting for something but no one being able to tell you what it is. I couldn't take any of it so I left and came here. To a place where there's life in people's eyes no matter where you are or what time it is. Where there's a free seat on every table and a happy face in every pub, if you look hard enough. I came here to grow, love and learn to love myself. And even though it's been a hell of a struggle I don't regret any of it.. not even the mistakes I've made. I see it as part of life, and growing as a person. But I also try to learn from it, because I know that everything happens for a reason.

It's not who you love that matters, it's how.